Forgiving!

Is There a Bully in the House?

  

 In Chapter six Coloroso covers the process of discipline that the act of punishment does not have:

1) It shows the bully what he has done wrong.

2) It gives him ownership of the problem.

3) It gives him a process for solving the problem he created- restitution, resolution, and reconciliation.

4) It leaves his dignity intact!


Discipline according to Coloroso is a constructive and compassionate response to bullying that takes into consideration the intent, the severity of the deed, and the restorative steps needed to help the bully take on a new, more prosocial role.

Discipline is not judgmental, arbitrary, confusing, or coercive. It is not something we do to children.  It is a process that gives life to learning; it is restorative and invites reconciliation.  Its goal is to instruct, teach, guide, and help children develop self-discipline.

The things you can do as parents:

1) Intervene immediately with discipline.
2) Create opportunities to "do good."
3) Nurture Empathy
4) Teach friendship skills-assertive, respectful, and peaceful ways to relate to others.
5) Closely monitor your child's TV viewing, video game playing, computer activities, and music.
6) Engage in more constructive, entertaining, and energizing activities.
7) Teach your child to "will good!"

It runs in the Family!

In Chapter five of her book Barbara Coloroso covers the different types of families you have:

The Brick-Wall family-
in essence is a dictatorship of control,obedience, adherence to rules, and strict hierarchy of power.


The Jellyfish family-
lacks a firm structure that is permissive
and a laissez-faire atmosphere prevails.


The Backbone family-
the parents don't demand respect they demonstrate and teach it.

The  family structure that every family should be striving for is the backbone family.  According to Coloroso children learn to question and challenge authority that is not life-giving.

-They learn that they can say no.
-They learn that they can listen and be listened to.
-They  learn that they can be respectful and be respected 
  themselves!

The most important thing that children of backbone families learn is to love themselves and have empathy for others.

Parents according to Coloroso must develop for their children a network of support through six critical life messages given every day:

1) I believe in you!
2) I trust you!
3) I know you can handle life situations!
4) You are listened to!
5) You are cared for!
6) You are very important to me!

Chapter five begins with a very good quote:

Our most important task as parents is raising children who will be decent, responsible, and caring people devoted to making this world a more just and compassionate place.  We can fashion for ourselves and our children a warmer, kinder world that will dispel the darkness and isolation.

                                                   -Neil Kurshan-